Sleepless Slumber

I'm so exhausted I can't sleep. And so, I'll write. 

To be honest, I'm excited for school to start. So far, I've been waiting for the year to come when I can officially look back and claim: "that was my year." I have a good feeling "my year" is going to be my junior year, this year. I've changed drastically. Looking back to just last year I was a completely different girl. I've grown up; my thoughts on life and choices have varied. My hair color is pretty close to its natural state, I have a new wardrobe, and I have drive. Something I never used to have last year. 

Although I'll have my share of hard classes (or more than hard...excruciating), this year will also be the first year I've been able to take classes I want to take. It seems as though I'm focusing more on writing this year, thus taking creative writing and journalism, and next year will focus on the arts while I take photography, 3-D design and construction, and painting 1. It's an assortment of art classes so hopefully by the end or middle of my senior year I'll know what I want to do with the rest of my life. 

I'm going back to taking ballet classes. I'm going back home. That's one thing that I unconditionally miss. Up until the past few days, I closed that chapter of my life away. I didn't want to keep opening the sore of not being able to dance at all back up, and so I stopped any thought about it whatsoever. Now that I have the chance to take classes again, I have to wake myself up first. It still hasn't hit me that this is what I wanted all along, this was my dream. Why I'm not very excited, I'm not super sure. I really want this year to be my year. I want to get good grades and focus on school and start to wonder about college. What if ballet two times a week and work three times turns into too much? I'd rather focus on school this year, stay focused. But what if I end up having too much free time without dance classes, or just plain end up regretting not taking classes? Of course I'll still have senior year to take ballet. It sucks because I don't even have time to think about which decision to make...dance classes start when school starts, which is only two weeks away!