I Have a New Job - Finally!

This Wednesday I start at Starbucks! Let's hope it's not too overwhelming!

Sure, You're Smarter. But You're Not Wiser

"What's wrong?" you asked.
"What's wrong is that you've changed. Whenever I see you, I always remind myself that you've changed. No longer do you ask me about my life, how I'm doing. And I can count on one hand how many times you've talked to me about Scott. You're the only member of the family that hasn't been happy for me since I've fallen in love. Not once have you said, "You guys are cute together, I'm happy for you." Not once. Which kills, considering we've always been so close. Instead, you make fun of the fact that I've fallen in love. Saying things like, "Why are you smiling?" After I get off the phone with Scott. Or "Paul and I laugh at how cheesy the things you guys say are." So tonight was the last straw. I'm sick of hearing how in love you are when it's all you talk about. It's like you bring it up just to prove yourself. I'm sick of "Paul and I are going to do this, Paul and I are going to do that." Screw it, I want my older sister back. I'm happy for you, really I am. So why do you need to always talk about yourself? Always think about yourself? You're never happy for me anymore, and you compare how much "better" you are. Fine, you're right. You do get better grades than me, you do better at school than me. But you know what I've always been better than you at? Making life decisions. I don't steal from family members, I don't take more money out of my bank account than I have, I don't have sex before marriage, I don't get drunk, I don't smoke cigarettes, I'm graduating college. So there's something I'm better at than you. Being responsible and making the right choices. You may be smarter, but you aren't wiser.

Last Straw

I'm done crying about it. My tears aren't worth it, and crying about it doesn't solve anything. He's not worth my tears and neither is the situation. No more tears.

I better get this job at Starbucks. Yet, I don't think I will. Why? Because everyone knows how much of a douche Matt Hardy is. And it seems as if I'll never be "good enough" to switch departments. I still haven't gotten a new name tag for when I turned 16, and I never got a raise for getting checker trained. Really, it's annoying. The worst part is that I can't do anything about it, unless I want to get fired. Screw Hy Vee.

Sleepless Slumber

I'm so exhausted I can't sleep. And so, I'll write. 

To be honest, I'm excited for school to start. So far, I've been waiting for the year to come when I can officially look back and claim: "that was my year." I have a good feeling "my year" is going to be my junior year, this year. I've changed drastically. Looking back to just last year I was a completely different girl. I've grown up; my thoughts on life and choices have varied. My hair color is pretty close to its natural state, I have a new wardrobe, and I have drive. Something I never used to have last year. 

Although I'll have my share of hard classes (or more than hard...excruciating), this year will also be the first year I've been able to take classes I want to take. It seems as though I'm focusing more on writing this year, thus taking creative writing and journalism, and next year will focus on the arts while I take photography, 3-D design and construction, and painting 1. It's an assortment of art classes so hopefully by the end or middle of my senior year I'll know what I want to do with the rest of my life. 

I'm going back to taking ballet classes. I'm going back home. That's one thing that I unconditionally miss. Up until the past few days, I closed that chapter of my life away. I didn't want to keep opening the sore of not being able to dance at all back up, and so I stopped any thought about it whatsoever. Now that I have the chance to take classes again, I have to wake myself up first. It still hasn't hit me that this is what I wanted all along, this was my dream. Why I'm not very excited, I'm not super sure. I really want this year to be my year. I want to get good grades and focus on school and start to wonder about college. What if ballet two times a week and work three times turns into too much? I'd rather focus on school this year, stay focused. But what if I end up having too much free time without dance classes, or just plain end up regretting not taking classes? Of course I'll still have senior year to take ballet. It sucks because I don't even have time to think about which decision to make...dance classes start when school starts, which is only two weeks away!