The Near Future...

1) Get a paycheck from Hy Vee that's $200 or more.
2) Start looking at colleges and scholarships.
3) Save as much money in the bank as possible.
4) Open up to Scott more.
5) Go to a concert of a favorite band.
6) Pass Chemistry and Geometry junior year.
7) Make new friends - good influences.
8) Pass all classes junior year to make for a good senior year.
9) Get open lunch senior year (even if I can't have it).
10) Make Chamber senior year.
11) Pass the writing portion of Driver's Ed the first time.
12) Pass the driving portion of Driver's Ed the first time.
13) Pray more often - open up to God more.
14) Become a good driver.
15) Get no driving tickets my first year and a half.
16) Graduate high school.
17) Get into SDSU or USD.
18) GRADUATE COLLEGE.
19) Write more often.
20) Be kissed in the rain.
21) Be kissed in the snow.
22) Go to my senior prom with Scott.
23) Get a working iPod.
24) Pay for all of my car expenses on time.
25) Volunteer at an animal shelter.
26) Stay friends with Jennifer Daccache.
27) Take the senior pictures of my dreams.
28) Go to Falls Park with someone special.
29) Marry Scott.
30) Go somewhere amazing for a honeymoon.

Already done: #1, #2, #5, #10, #11, #19, #20, #24, #27

I NEED A New Job

Today, Hy Vee stooped to a new low.

Let's rewind. Back to last night when my hormones didn't decide to lash out and make me a complete bitch. Last night was so perfect, and then tonight...spiraled out of control. I know it sounds clique, but sometimes...it sucks to be a girl.

Too Much Change Is Never Good

We're polar opposites, just acquaintances now.

"A lot of my friends do drugs and drink...but I never have."
"Good for you, that's awesome."

That's what you said to me. I wish that I could say, "Good for you too." but I can't. Too much change is never good.

Disappointment.

But I still love you.

I still look up to you.

Things have just changed.

I Need A New Job

Cleaning all week was draining. I don't work all weekend; now it's time to just breathe, and not wake up at 7 am for a good month.

Black Sheep

Why is commitment so difficult for people? Divorce...dropping out of high school or college...quitting jobs...leaving kids...giving up on a relationship...

How hard is it to commit? To keep going and push through until you reach the end; or to get help to make things right again.

I think we're all just scared.

Things do have to end sometimes, but why does it seem that we don't try hard enough? That we just give up as soon as there's a bump in the road.

I've always been the black sheep of my family, and eventually it's going to pay off.
I'm going to be the only one in my family to graduate college. I'm going to be the only one in my family to fufill my dreams by having a job that I at least like.

And if I start to lose sight, someone punch me in the throat.

I don't want this to ever end.


But it will. It has to. I'm not ready for it to yet.


Then again, will I ever be?

I Don't Understand...

What did I ever do to make you think I'm this huge slut? I'm so confused, because I haven't done a damn thing. I'm so sick of crying about how you think I go around and have tons of sex. Guess what? Just because I'm a teenager doesn't mean I'm having sex. Just because you fucked up and got pregnant in high school doesn't mean I'm going to. I can't understand what I ever did to make myself out to be this sort of whore. Slut. Skank. I'm so sick of crying over it. Why must you make me feel as pathetic as a prostitute?

I've tried talking to you about it, but of course you're in denial. Who would want to admit to making a mistake like that? I try and brush it off, to continue on and remind myself that you just don't know me the least bit. But there's only so much a small girl like me can take...before she breaks.